Poem on Springer

Two GSB students haunted by TV filth

By: Diane Alarcon & Helen Duann

Posted: 10/14/04

Once upon a Tuesday sunny, while I stood and tried not to look funny
In a line with many a strange folk, not knowing what was in store
While I waited, nearly fainted, suddenly I began to feel tainted
As if someone had painted, painted me like a bright red door
"I must be high," I muttered, "painting me a bright red door -
I am crazy, nothing more."

Ah, I wish I could remember when it happened in September
And each crazy audience member shouted, shouted, "More! More!"
Eagerly I yelled for Jerry, hoping to see something scary
A stupid guest - someone hairy, hairy and fighting on the floor.
For a rare and radiant transsexual was dancing on the hardwood floor.
She was shameless here for evermore.

And the angry mad uncanny wrestling of the bride and granny
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"I am at the Jerry Springer show - not a war
"Only staged violence at the show - this is not a war
This it is and nothing more."

"Beast!" said I, "looking strange - behaving like she was deranged!"
Whether devil sent, or whether devil tossed her ashore,
No shame, and all flaunting, on the stage nothing daunting
On the show our horror revealed - tell me truly, I implore:
Is there - is there anything more obscene - tell me tell me, I implore
Quote the raven, "Donkeywhore!"

Wishing that I never saw the breasts of this horrifying beast
I am never coming back to the Jerry Springer Show, I swore
Let this poem be a token of a lie that has been spoken
That leaves our faith in TV shows broken - in which we need to restore
Taking our innocence and giving us filth - innocence we need to restore
Quote the raven, "Nevermore!"