Sean Newton '15
Maybe you think Booth is too cliquey. Maybe you’re in one of those cliques. But have you ever asked yourself if you’re cool enough to be in Booth’s most exclusive clique? I’m here to tell you that you’re not.
Readers, there is only one man cool enough to be at the heart and the entire existence of Booth’s coolest clique, and that is me. Wonder why you never see me in the Winter Garden making small talk? It’s because I’m too busy spending time with my clique-mates (just myself at this point) to care about you.
Trust me, I never planned for this to happen. I spent tireless hours on the first day of orientation searching for the other cool kids. “Where’s the cool at?” I asked everyone I met. Cool was nowhere to be found until I looked within and realized I have a regional monopoly on cool. I briefly associated with a classmate who seemed like he had what it takes to hang with me. I soon realized that I was mistaken. I was disgusted to learn that he didn’t go yachting every weekend and that he had never heard of my favorite band (and favorite sex position), The Rusty Pelican. He didn’t even own his own vintage typewriter, which I consider to be a strict prerequisite for talking to me. This cat just wasn’t cool.
After that trauma I decided to limit the number of friends I had to one, including myself. Why risk letting others be a drag on my cool cruise? After I secured the borders of my clique, my Booth experience has been unforgettable and certainly more fun than yours. I first bonded with my clique at LOR by sitting alone in my hotel room. I had a blast with my clique at Winter Formal, admiring my cool face in the bathroom mirror. This summer, I will single-handedly lead a Random Walk trip to the home of my parents who literally gave birth to cool. I am so grateful that I have been able spend so much time with myself this year.
Being the coolest person at Booth has been a humbling experience. I thought I knew what cool was before I came to Booth, but however cool I was before is nothing compared to how cool I am now. I hope everyone can learn from my experience. If you’re feeling like Booth just isn’t cool enough, I hope you find comfort knowing that one of the students here is really cool - namely me.