This is a work of pure faction.
Dear First-Year Boothie,
It’s been a pleasure getting to know you these past 1.5 quarters. Our friendship can be traced back to when we first met at the Hangge Uppe after the first TNDC of the year. (Remember that? No? Yeah, me neither.) We got to know each other over coffee chats that always went a little long, but I didn’t care. In time, we crossed the “spontaneous text” barrier and our late night chats started costing us sleep. We both began falling asleep in class a little too much, but I didn’t care about that either. It got to the point that when one of us noticed the other on the Metra, we made a point to sit together. Our conversations were so engrossing, we almost accidentally went to whatever exists south of 59th Street.
When I set up a spreadsheet for case prep timeslots with strict instructions for everyone to take only ONE spot, you asked whether you could sign up for an extra slot—just to chat about how everything’s going—and I gleefully approved. Despite my stoic case-giving persona, you cut to the heart of the case like a hot knife through butter. I’m pretty sure the total length of time you spent eye screwing me exceeded the time you spent writing your framework. My thunderous heartbeat drowned out the pregnant pause between your explanation of your framework and the moment I invited, “Where would you like to begin?”
We have 1.5 quarters behind us. That means I have 1.5 quarters left. So why haven’t you asked me out yet?? We only have about a dozen TNDCs remaining. Just sayin.
Maybe you’re held back by the social barrier between first-years and second-years. Guess what? That barrier is like a picket fence. And you know what you can do through a picket fence? You can go on dates, that’s what.
Maybe you adhere to traditional gender roles, and you think I should ask you out. I have news for you: that attitude isn’t going to help you in the workplace. You need to lean in, Sheryl.
Maybe you think you don’t have enough money to date. That’s fine; I have Netflix and HBO GO. We’re good.
Maybe you simply haven’t asked anyone out on a date before. Well I haven’t either. So that dog won’t hunt.
Look, in four months I’ll be gone. I’m moving to River North and you’ll probably never see me again aside from random encounters on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays; recruiting events put on by my company; and Booth alumni events. I’ll be lost in the wind. I think you need to spend some time thinking about where you see this potential romance going, before it slips away.