Booth Implements Internship Non-Disclosure Policy

In a bid to remain at the forefront of student motivational strategy, Chicago Booth recently announced that it will implement the nation’s first Internship Non-Disclosure Policy, effective immediately. Inspired by the success of the school’s Grade Non-Disclosure Policy, the rule is similarly intended to reduce the negative impacts of competitiveness while enhancing a sense of collaboration amongst the student body. Under the new policy, 2nd year students may not disclose any information about the companies they interned for, projects worked on, or the general quality of their performance over the summer. Reaction amongst recruiters, administration, and students was swift and passionate.

As of press time, recruiters were scrambling to devise alternate methods of evaluating Booth talent for full time positions. A baffled McKinsey recruiter named Casey Ryter has decided to utilize the Additional Info section of the résumés as his primary hiring criteria going forward. Casey noted that the firm will likely extend interview invitations exclusively to applicants whose résumés have a minimum of seventeen distinct bullet points in the Additional Info section. Many tech recruiters have opted to focus on pre-MBA work experience, which remains “fair game for now,” according to an anonymous administration representative.

Fortunately for students, Career Services was informed of the new policy weeks ago, and has been working tirelessly to devise a new framework that students can use to maximize their interviewing performances going forward. Known as the “TEAM” framework, it identifies the four cornerstones of effectively differentiating oneself while complying with the new rules: “Talk Fast and Loud,” “Emphasize High School Leadership Positions,” “Argue to Demonstrate Backbone,” and “Make stuff up.” The TEAM framework will officially be rolled out as part of an additional interview workshop session to be known as Sprinterview, taking place in the early Spring. The event will share its name with a local Chicago startup that is attempting to disrupt Google Streetview by sending a fleet of joggers around the city carrying GoPros.

First-year students have unanimously praised the new non-disclosure policy. “Dean Kumar must be Willy Wonka because I feel like a kid who just found the golden ticket to the chocolate factory,” noted first-year student Franklin Holmesburg, as he skipped down the sidewalk from a student group happy hour to a Cohort Karaoke night during the peak of recruiting season. Franklin’s classmate Sally Swanson was equally excited. “I’m planning to do investment banking in the long term, but will probably just spend this summer going to yoga classes and working on my novel. Because you know, non-disclosure.”

As part of the policy, students will have the option of either omitting their internship experience from their résumés or replacing that section with a solid black box. Early data shows that collaboration levels amongst the student body have already risen 15% in anticipation of the new policy going into effect. Large groups of students have been spotted collaborating well past 3AM throughout various River North locations.