Boothie Dumps Fiancé for Commercializing Innovation

Tyler Burkett '16

CHICAGO - Last Saturday, first year Lizzie Palmer broke up with her fiancé, Gary Nielsen, after deciding she needed to spend more time with Commercializing Innovation. The relationship ended after over 3 years of dating and an engagement announced on Facebook just a month ago.

“I mean, it’s not like it was an easy decision. I clearly had to make a tradeoff between Gary and evaluating the financial models of now-defunct startups,” explained Lizzie.

Lizzie had shown willingness throughout the year to make the tradeoffs to ensure she had time for her studies. For example, after a successful first round bid on Financial Statement Analysis in Winter Quarter, she immediately found a new home for Gary’s cat, citing time concerns.

“What was I supposed to do? Not learn how to properly value cash flows??” Lizzie said emphatically, adding that “it was just a dumb, one-eyed cat with sleep apnea anyway,” when asked about her willingness to make sacrifices that hurt Gary.  

“At first I thought Señor Snuggle was just doing his customary neighborhood stroll. After day six, I realized something was wrong,” said Gary.

Lizzie’s new relationship with Commercializing Innovation are off to a strong start; they have been seen spending time together at Harper, NBC, Gleacher, and even on the Metra.

“I really don’t know what I did wrong. She just said our relationship did not meet Meadow’s S.U.C.C.E.S.S criteria,” Gary said, with a tear falling down the right side of his pudgy face. “I gave up my career in VC valuing seed-stage startups for her, and she left me to pretend to value seed-stage startups.”

Gary says he’s on a mission to get his life back together; he plans to adopt another cat to replace Señor Snuggle, the declawed Tabico cat Lizzie abandoned behind a bankrupt Radioshack location. To help him get his dating life back together, Gary’s mom signed him up on ChristianMingle.com.

Lizzie plans to announce the new relationship with Commercializing Innovation on Facebook soon and will send case material to her parents this week so they can get to know CI better. Señor Snuggle has now been missing for 125 days.