Tyler Burkett ‘16
LAKE FOREST – The Lake Forest Pre-school for the Talented and Very Financially Capable expressed public disgust with the latest Forbes “5 under 5” ranking of pre-schoolers. The coveted annual list praises America’s best and brightest.
“It is a dark day in America when our very own Harry McCallister doesn’t even receive an honorable mention from Forbes. In the last year, Harry started reading chapter books and sold out his first wearable technology product, the SmartDiaper, on KickStarter,” explained Principal Benjamin Kropotkin.
The 2015 Forbes list includes an impressive bunch. Tommy Pickles, from Ft. Lauderdale, started a non-profit that converts drool into sustainable fuel. Chuckie Finster, from Reno, started a new venture called ‘Babies on Board’, which allows promising 2-4 year olds to sit on Fortune 500 Board meetings. Angelica Pickles, Tommy’s 3-year old cousin, has used her parents’ wealth to invest in promising startups, including a seed-stage* investment in Uber. 4 year-old Timmy McNulty designed earbuds specifically for babies and toddlers for when “adults won’t shut-up on airplanes.” Rounding out the list, Lillian ‘Lil’ Deville created a dating app specific for the pre-school scene called “Booty Crawl.”
While Benjamin Kropotkin is disappointed with the results, he says next year’s pre-school class is extremely promising. One promising candidate is 3 year-old Buster Carmichael, who is a regular contributor to Buzzfeed.
Forbes was unavailable for contact.
*Angelica was in the seed-stage