What's News? (5.18.2015)

Royal Baby cries uncontrollably after seeing state of world affairs

Jay Cutler hopeful that new Bears WR Kevin White can catch balls thrown 5-10 yards behind him

Future UofC undergrad lies about getting ‘totally laid’ after prom

Metra reveals controversial new slogan “at least we are not Amtrak”

Rounding-Error Arbitrage hedge fund, founded by two Booth alumni, raises $853.32450188941 million of capital

Entrepreneurial Selling Class ends with student selling confidential military information to North Korea

Front-of-the-envelope still pissed that back of the envelope gets to do all the calculations

Frosty Beverage euphemism leads to epidemic of under-age party crashers at LPF

Results of GBC student feedback survey suggests community unsure what the GBC does

Results of Chibus survey reveals that Chibus has a Net Promoter Score of -41, giving it a slim margin over despised cable company Comcast

New research suggests that 1871 Chicago Fire caused by bottomless mimosa brunch gone awry

Emerging Markets Group hosts new seminar: "Oligarch 101: How to Win the Privatization Grab-bag"

Stock Update

YUM - 513.87 (+420.00) Yum Brands reaches new highs after Taco Bell subsidiary approved to legally dispense weed.

THCZ - 0.24 (-0.01) Totally Hemp Crazy Inc flat on news that it will start selling tacos