Your Negativity is Pissing Me Off

Sean Newton ‘15

Spring is here, but I fear that too many Booth students are spending their days whining about rain and allergies instead of taking the time enjoy the birds and the fifty-degree heat. Instead of holding hands with the ones we love, we are too quick to point out that we have nobody to love. And even if we did, we wouldn’t hold their hand anyway because with our luck the only person who would ever love us would be some clammy handed Uber driver. In short, I’ve been hearing too much negativity within the Booth community. Our collective breath smells like entitlement and all-you-can-eat sushi. Below are some of the most common complaints made by Booth students. Avoid the negativity trap by avoiding these.

1. “That isn’t my cup of tea.” Nobody ever talks about what exactly is his or her cup of tea. Find something you like and say, “that class is so my cup of tea.” Also, if you like tea, don’t you pretty much like all cups of tea? Tea isn’t like coffee, which can be either Intelligentsia good or church basement bad.

2. “This isn’t my cup of tea.” Then why’d you pick it up? Get organized and remember where you place your things.

3. “All-inclusives are a waste of money.” Try purchasing an all-EXclusive package at a La Quinta Inn in Bayou La Batre, Alabama and then talk to me about wasting money.

4. “I’m from New York, so I can’t eat bagels here.” I understand that you were all forced to go through an orientation at JFK during which they instruct you to mercilessly criticize all non-New York bagels whenever you leave the city. Before you start your bagel lecture, you should know that we all know it by heart. The bagels in New York are divine contributions of carbohydrates and every other bagel in the world is a rotten piece of trash that has no right to be in your mouth. We have all heard how inferior other bagels are, so there’s no need for you to ever talk about bagels again. Why would you in the first place? They’re bagels, not penicillin.

5. “New Orleans is so much better than Austin.” Believe it or not, cities don’t exist for your personal entertainment. Austin could probably survive just fine without you stumbling around between food trucks, grousing how you “just aren’t feeling it.” I’m sure no one in Austin liked you either.

6. “Help! Does anyone know anyone who will sublet my apartment this summer? I can’t find a subletter!” Do you think we know some infinite parade of people moving to Chicago for the exact period of time that you’ll be gone? You say it never hurts to ask. In this case, it does hurt because you’re burying more important posts on the Facebook group such as my inspirational quote about how endings are only beginnings complete with pictures of sunsets turning into sunrises.

7. “Everyone at Booth is so negative.” Tell me about it.

 Despite the complaining about all the complaining, Sean will miss it all.