Booth Hires Bouncer to Improve Ratio

The bouncers at University Church have successfully maintained a 1:1 ratio

The bouncers at University Church have successfully maintained a 1:1 ratio

In an effort to improve the gender ratio at Booth, Booth hired nightclub bouncer Mike “Big Mike” McConnell, who previously worked at the River North hotspot The Underground. The Underground is notorious for strict policies to improve The Ratio. Big Mike’s first day was Friday.

“LPF used to be a complete sausage-fest. It was also weird getting drunk while the Student Lounge turned into a McDonald’s Playplace,” said an anonymous male first year. He added, “LPF this last Friday was awesome. Sure, I was stuck in line for an hour and a half and had to pay a cover, but when I finally got in, The Ratio was awesome.”

According to administration, male Boothies should plan for delays when coming to Harper. To ensure students make their classes on time, Booth administration also provided the following recommendations:

·      Always come to class with a female Boothie, preferably multiple

·      Don’t try to slip Big Mike a $20, he will send you to the back of the line

·      If you come to class alone, please allow 1-3.5 hours buffer for the line

·      Backwards hats and baggy jeans will no longer be permitted in Harper

Booth administration is considering adopting other nightclub policies over the next few weeks to improve the experience at Harper.  For example, deafeningly loud EDM music might facilitate more casual grinding in the Winter Garden, in order to improve dating life at Booth.       

Tyler thinks the Underground is one of the hottest nightclubs in Chicago, although he’s never been able to get inside.