By Sean Newton '15
As the second years are counting down the days until graduation, they are lamenting that the two best years of excuses have already slipped through their fingers. In this time of reflection, many second years are realizing that, during their time at Booth, they’ve taken for granted the endless supply of invented excuses that have been easily accepted and tolerated by their classmates. Some wish they had done more excuse making over the past two years. “If I could do it over again, there are so many dinners and parties I would have lied my way out of,” pondered one student.
At Booth, the fake hangover is the single most powerful excuse. Tell someone you need to skip your squad reunion brunch because of a hangover and they will bow in reverence. “Whoa, whoa, say no more. Totally understandable. Drink some coconut water or whatever completely made up hangover cure I’m subscribing to this month.” Fake hangovers will get you out of any undesirable activity before 3:00 PM. Once we start working again, the party’s over. Bosses are typically less willing to permit you to come into the office at 4:00 PM because of a hangover.
Booth’s physical amenities also lend themselves to quick excuses. One second year reflected on the importance of the mail folders. “They’ve always been there for me when I need to escape a bad conversation in the Winter Garden.” The bank of mail folders shimmers like the North Star for any Boothie stuck listening to another story about frequent flyer miles or Spirit. Your classmates have never never questioned you when you say, “[H]ey, I gotta go check my mail folder,” before walking to an adjacent group of people, latching onto their conversation for ten minutes, and then leaving Harper without ever once checking your mail folder. Once we go back into the real world, what can we say? “Hey I gotta go check my desk drawers in case someone put something in there while I was gone.” Good luck with that.
And don’t underestimate the power of the fake acronym. Getting out of any group meeting has been as easy as saying, “I have NVC. I have NVS. I have FSA. I have GED.” At Booth you can take advantage of the fact that there is too much going on for any one person to be aware of and the sad reality that no one wants to admit that they don’t know it all. Instead of questioning the authenticity of your fake acronym, a good Booth student will just nod along (“Sure, NVC. Good luck with that!”) and then scurry off before the phoniness is exposed. Using fake acronyms in your office will be like telling your boss that you can’t work on his project because you’re too busy doing work for your other job.
What makes Booth the best two years of excuses in undoubtedly our strong community. A graduating second year fought through tears to proclaim that Booth “is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.” She continued, “I’ve never been part of a community that has been so eager to embrace my transparently false excuses. Now it’s over.”
Sean couldn’t make the right excuses to get out of writing this last piece for ChiBus.