Frosty Beverages to be sponsored by Tony the Tiger in administration’s attempt to further infantilize students
Color-blind student wears green power tie to interview instead of red power tie; MCG issues fine
Frost-bitten Chicago native is hospitalized, loses three fingers; claims he’s still not cold
New confirmation bias study conducted by Managerial and Organizational Behavior department supports previously held theory
Ski Trip only results in two pregnancy scares, driven by Trojan® sponsorship.
Sexual encounters on ski trip up 13% compared to last year; awkward handshakes up 4% yoy on IBG trek
Ambitious admit has already started emailing other admits about forming groups for Autumn 2016 Classes
It is looking increasingly likely that people born after 1988 will still only have 3 presidents in their lifetime: Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Clinton
Poor round three bidding strategy leaves creepy second year unsure about when he will be able to take class with first year female
Second years spend most of Winter Break fiercely debating who the most attractive First Years are.
Coffee Chat with Dean Kole awarded coveted Michelin star; refreshments hailed as “the best $200,000 biscotti that money can buy”
Study funded by WorldStrides reveals students who did not participate in a Random Walk make 12% less in lifetime earnings, live fundamentally unhappy lives
UChicago campus security to launch new “We’re Not Mall Cops” public awareness campaign
University of Chicago continues successful campus security personnel recruitment at local malls