An aging robot diagnosed with rickets, pneumonia, and a missing heart claimed victory in the first presidential debate over her opponent, a racist wind-up doll found in a 1920’s-era time capsule.
Unspoken pact is formed between all returning students not to use first names until everyone remembers who is who; mandatory name tags in Winter Garden are being considered.
World’s largest petri dish experiment is considered success, with nearly 75% of first year class contracting at least one form of infectious disease at LOR.
Booth start-up Portefini Everyday Blazers makes a splash over the summer, with record sales in the coveted Lebanese identical twin segment.
Millennium Park Plaza staff eagerly looks forward to ignoring the names and desires of another class of Booth students.
Career Services issues new resumé guidelines to reflect Booth’s “fun and freewheeling” culture: bullet points should be replaced with baby farm animal emoji; suggested font is 24 point Comic Sans
Leaked RNC document reveals, in event of loss to Hillary this November, Donald Trump to replace orange, inflatable flailing-arm tube man in front of local New Brunswick, New Jersey car dealership.
Class of 2018 boasts record diversity: 42% female, 19% ambidextrous, 31% Capricorns, 24% albino.
Booth takes on leverage for first time in history to finance purchase of replacement name tents for second year students. Goldman Sachs led the deal; terms were undisclosed.