The Every-Two-Weekly Update

By: Joseph Cherukara, ‘18

Ah, the Winter Quarter. There’s something about the gloom and cold that brings out the worst in us. First years can be heard heatedly arguing about the advantages of one consulting framework over the other. Wiser, calmer, and more restrained second years nearly come to blows on whether Westworld or Black Mirror is the better show. Meanwhile your entire family suddenly wants to know if you’ll ever get a job/get married/have kids/stop wetting the bed/quit cocaine. But in the midst of the gloom, both inside Booth and without, we at Chibus have gathered together the most heartwarming (sort of) news stories from the last two weeks and the winter break to cheer you up.     

Round 1 Admission Results Are Out: We look forward to a very accomplished, driven and fun class of 2019.  As ever, we are sure they have stratospherical GMAT scores, claim extraordinary professional accomplishments, balance saving the world with several hobbies, and chew up advanced financial models. They will come in with bright eyes and the belief that no challenge is too large for them to tackle. Then they’ll take Advanced Micro. All dreams must die.

Scandals on the Ski Slopes: We would love to have given you a blow-by-blow account on what happened at Telluride, but unfortunately our investigative journalist on the spot got inexcusably drunk instead of doing his job, so all we can offer are juicy rumours. Maybe there are videos of First Years falling down the baby slopes going viral on the 2Y GroupMe. Maybe there were hookups we could talk about. Maybe not.

The Search Panel: For those of you have the intranet as your Home Page (talking to you straight-A crowd), you know there’s a prominent banner advertising the Search Panel. For those of you wondering how the search is going, worry not, we’ve got you covered. And by covered  we mean we have one data point. And by data we mean the shit we made up. In the formal feedback of one candidate, a panel member wrote “X has just 50 papers, a history of leading a second-tier school and no chance of winning a Nobel prize. Worst of all he got an MBA from K******.  This committee’s time would have been better spent watching cat videos set to Justin Beiber’s songs than than evaluating X”. We look forward to the their eventual selection - no doubt a triple Olympian, savant, and visionary who will lead us to new glory.

Oscar Nominees Have Been Announced: Suddenly everyone has seen La La Land and nods knowledgeably when someone mentions how “Arrival epitomises Kubrick’s style of art-driven science fiction”. Dhar’s assignments have taken second priority to discussions on whether Affleck’s mumbling is symbolic of our nostalgia for a simpler, happier time or merely whether his grade school teachers failed to teach him English.

Joseph Cherukara is a 1Y who, after 2 quarters at Booth, now believes that his only viable career option is the first ChiBus correspondent for life.