The Resolutions That Weren't

It’s January again. A time when Mother Nature gently reminds us that beneath her sunny summer smiles lies a cold-hearted, ruthless b*****d who would like nothing better than to freeze the marrow out of our bones and laugh callously at every shiver as you trundle despondently across the river after your 9 PM Gleacher class. Yes, coming back to Chicago after break hasn’t been fun, why do you ask?

But it’s also the time when freshly minted New Years’ resolutions sad to say, broken. Today we look at some of the most popular resolutions that were made in moments of weakness (probably three drinks in), and like the last season of How I Met Your Mother, did not die soon enough.

Bringing your unread emails down to 0: You may have been one of those fortunate souls who have their lives and inboxes perfectly ordered, but if you’re like the vast majority of us, you have a snowball’s chance in hell of actually living up to that. Between Canvas, Polsky, Stigler, the University News and so many more it often feels like the Universe in general and the University in particular is actively conspiring against you. Just give in, and let the mound of emails be the metaphor for your growing student debt in tightening monetary policy

Eat healthy: You made a lofty goal of staying on a diet and fit into the suit that you rocked so recently at your internship/last job. But life and Booth had other plans for you. From Kovler finally serving food with mass appeal (or any appeal for that matter) in the form of the new sandwich stall and the natural advantages of many winter layers – it didn’t take that resolution long to fail.

Missing no classes: No one said you had to be one of the folks who see their professors for the first time during the Final, but aiming for a 100% attendance record will probably feature in any Buzzfeed list of the worst decisions ever made. Between TNDC and recruiting (FYs)/travelling (SYs) you were struggling to stay afloat even halfway through Week 1. By the time you started Week 2, everything hit the fan and you just threw up your hands on this one. And rightly so

Spend less time on social media: You were lying to yourself when you thought you could pull this off. Without social media how can you possibly participate in the FOMO Olympics of trips, dinners and other fun activities that is your newsfeed? How will you be able to determine the answer to the Ultimate Question of the life, universe and everything - which is the best section of Micro? Can you really tear yourself away from the gripping drama of all the lost jackets at TNDC? For shame for thinking you could pull this off.