Spring at Chicago Booth is unique. Rather than ushering in warmth and blooming fauna, the new quarter seems to have introduced a different phenomenon: the sobering reality of about three hundred 1st years going through severe Spring Break withdrawal. Through ChiBus’s rigorous investigation, we have dug through literal dirty laundry to identify several concerning symptoms. The victims can be recognized via their uneven tans, injuries that they have no memory of, and in some cases: a reluctance to make eye contact with individuals they had a lot of other contact with.
Denial was rife amongst the afflicted population. We saw a number of victims trying to convince us (and themselves) that while they loved every minute of Spring Break, they couldn’t have spent another day at beach-front hotel in Cartagena eating fresh fruit and sipping frosty beverages with more than one syllable in their name. Instead, they were eager to get back to their sparsely furnished MPP apartments and participate in the endless elevator wait. We interviewed the victims in the aforementioned MPP apartments and also noticed the victims annoying their non-Colombia trekking roommates by providing commentary during Narcos viewings and acting like insufferable know-it-alls.
Subjects also seemed to want to relive past glories. A number of students spent hours going through their photo gallery, and either sighing wistfully or exclaiming in surprised delight upon finding yet another Boomerang of them dancing to Dura on a boat. Living up to stereotype, we also saw students obsessing over the perfect Instagram caption and wondering why their friends had more people liking their photos. In some severe cases of wanting to relive the experience, students were also observed going through their credit card statements and reminiscing about the minute details of their evenings. (In unrelated news, Venmo announced a new limited-edition product for Spring breakers).
Not all victims were reclusive though. There were those who were attempting to move forward with their lives despite their overwhelming belief that it was all downhill from here. The more academically inclined souls were perusing dictionaries and trying to understand if “Spring” in the Midwest meant something different than what it did elsewhere - This trait was particularly common for the international students, who hadn’t realized just how misleading American “English” really is.
There were also some brave souls who seemed healthy enough to connect with the larger society and engage in regular conversation – i.e. “how’s recruiting going”. Some students also feigned interest in other Spring Breaks, and enquired after their friends’ adventures in Patagonia. While they nodded enthusiastically and exclaimed appropriately, they later confessed that they failed to understand how that was a “break” at all, and whether they could trust the participants to make future life decisions.
The students furthest along on the recovery curve, and for whom we had the most hope, were those who trekked over to Harper, pretended to look interested during classes, and left the sanctuary of the Loop to go to TNDC. However, their recovery hit a setback when they looked around and realized that partying on land was so
2017 winter quarter