30 of the most disappointing under 30: A selection from Booth

By Siddharth Sastri and Avani Venkateswaran, Class of 2019

Names have been redacted to prevent social ostracization

XX, 25, 1st year
Reached TNDC before 10pm and left soon after midnight. He woke up the next morning with no new ‘friends’, not having sent any regrettable texts, and with his memory intact.

XX, 29, alumni
Graduated from Booth four years ago, still hasn’t been nominated for a Nobel Prize. Could be considered a Noble gas though

XX, 27, 1st year
Signed up for Lakeshore Fitness, didn’t realize that only the first massage was free. Subsequently seen soliciting referrals at TNDCs in a determined effort to recoup his investment

XX, 28, 2nd year
Quoted a result from a study as evidence that had a p-value of 0.06, claiming it was statistically significant. Did receive a return offer from their analytics internship though.

XX, 29, alumni
When asked upon graduation what her favourite part of Booth was, said “the Indian food at Kovler, I ate it every day for two years! Best Chicken Tikka Masala I’ve had in my life!”

XX, 26, 1st year
Packed up and put away his down jacket in March, asking of anyone that questioned his actions, “isn’t it Spring?” Last seen buying a one-way ticket to Phoenix, AZ

XX, 29, 2nd year
Spent every Thursday afternoon post 4pm playing shuffleboard at the pub instead of attending the second half of his afternoon class. He is currently participating in the Regional Shuffleboard Championships in Chicago.
(ed. note: we might need to re-evaluate his place on this list over the other one)

XX, 27, 1st year
Took a monthly metra pass for six months; ubered to Harper Center every day.

XX, 29, former 2nd year
Sent into an existential crisis through the sign “Why are you here and not somewhere else”. Withdrew from B-school, one month before graduation

XX, 26, 1st year
Thought Booth Stories was the American version of Dr. Who

XX, 28, 2nd year
Admissions essay spoke about her desire to transition to the non-profit sector immediately and plans to change the world, a story she adhered through her first few months at Booth. Spent the summer working in Consulting and just accepted a return offer for after graduation.

XX, 24, 1st year
Got extra credit for class participation in her competitive strategy class. Also lost 5 friends, and (yet to be confirmed but) the professor has been observed hightailing it in the opposite direction on several occasions when she has approached him with a question.

XX, 26, 1st year
Doesn’t have travel, hiking, and scuba diving as additional interests in her resume. Also hasn’t been to all the continents or any of the other planets yet.

XX, 29, 2nd year
Had the temerity to try and sign up for a Wine Club Event at 12:03PM, a whole three minutes after the 12:00pm sign-up email

XX, 25, 1st year
Thought the MCG no-show fee was a bluff. Tried living on the edge, and showed up at 11:50 for an Lnl. 100$ for 5 mins - sounds like standard consulting billing rates

XX, 28, 1st year
Never had a cookie at the Kovler Cafe

XX, 27, 1st year
Became the lifestyle editor for ChiBus. Co-writer of this disappointing article

XX, 27, 1st year
Became humor editor for ChiBus. Co-wrote this article despite harboring an intense animosity towards the lifestyle editor