10 Ways to be a Pro Procrastinator

YaoYao Wang ‘15

The internet is rife with all sorts of self-help nonsense such as “10 Ways to Better Manage Your Time”, “How to be More Productive at Work”, or “Stop Procrastinating Now.” Just because it’s been published, doesn’t mean you should believe any of it. Why live your life according to these fabled ideals and then feel persistently underachieving? Let’s instead talk about how deep down inside, we’re all here to take a much-needed two year vacation from most real world responsibilities. Therefore, if you’re going to be procrastinating anyway, you should get the most out of your procrastination time. How? By doing all the things that are non-urgent, do not contribute directly to your short-term success, and/or give you instant gratification, but make you happier, healthier, and more social. For example:

  1. Catch up with civilians (non-Boothies). Remember those family members and friends you used to care about before orientation? Oh yeah, those people.

  2. Visit UChicago’s very own Hogwarts (the Harper Memorial Library) and spaceship (the Mansueto Library). Not to actually study of course. Instagram that ish so people think you’re studying.

  3. Brainstorm and edit your narrative as necessary. When you graduate here, will you be known as “that one person recruiting for X from country Y”? No, you want to be “that awesome guy who ::insert epic story here::. Sigh, wish I were single.”

  4. Try your best to escape River North when planning dinners and nights out. (But Hubbard/MPP is just so close and walkable!) Chicagoans will tell you that there’s a whole new world out there, a dazzling place you never knew (and they’re probably right).  

  5. Plan Spring Break 2015. Sure, planning your summer vacation is more tangible, but it’s practically here, which makes it urgent, and therefore a chore.

  6. Work out, do yoga, etc. And still manage to catch a cold with this ridiculous, moody weather.

  7. Step outside your comfort zone. For example, I competed in the BS Competition, not because I’m uncomfortable with bullshitting, but public speaking.

  8. DFMO, pronounced diff-mo, meaning dance floor make-out. Come on Boothies, let’s leverage some synergies and get this internal networking bizness rolling. I heard the Asian MBA Vegas Extravaganza was over-indexing on DFMO but I personally feel there are tremendous opportunities for growth at TNDCs, LPFs, NBC, LEAD, LOR, LNLs, and definitely WG.  Those of us married or in long term relationships are sick and tired of this lack of gossip.

  9. Contemplate Chicago Booth’s business model and competitive advantage versus other business schools. Those fancy professors and admissions staff seem pretty mobile to me…

  10. Write articles for ChiBus instead of doing schoolwork.

Yes, you too can become an expert procrastinator. But why start procrastinating today, what you can put off until tomorrow?