Hip, Hop, Hooray!
Meet The Man Behind The Hip Hop Facade
Chris Boudreaux
Issue date: 4/1/02 Section: Humor
Like many of you, I often ponder the origins of the Hip Hop Polack's disturbing (sometimes frightening) rants. So, having clawed my way out of the ass end of Winter Quarter 2002, and encouraged by the acclaim bestowed upon my interview with the Stuart Sherpa, I decided to shine the light of investigative journalism on the dark and mysterious psyche of the elusive Hip Hop Polack.
After negotiating the labyrinth of Hip Hop's administrative staff at Chicago Business, I scheduled an interview at his Lincoln Park home. Upon arrival at the Hip Hop Home, I was greeted by the Hip Hop Trixie, who led me to the Hip Hop Polack. High atop the brownstone wherein he makes his home, we found Hip Hop engaged in one of his favorite pastimes: Run DMC karaoke. This afternoon, he favored us with "It's Tricky", "Walk This Way", and a favorite of mine, "You Be Illin".
One might not expect such a young person to be so eccentric, but HHP certainly is. In fact, he conducts all interviews from his porcelain "Hip Hop Throne", so I was forced to sit in his bath tub during the interview.
Q: How did you come to be known as the Hip Hop Polack? Specifically, why Hip Hop? Why not the Polka Polack, Disco Polack, or the Riverdance Polack?
A: In college, a friend, desperately looking to differentiate himself, decided that he was the 'snake.' We didn't give him this nickname. He apparently thought it sounded cool and started telling people that. Sure enough, his name throughout college became the 'snake.' Six years later I was introduced to a girl from Cincinnati who asked, "Oh, you know Snake?" I had to roll my eyes and confirm that I knew "CHRIS." So I'm trying to say that I came to be known as HHP by putting that name at the top of my articles.
Why Hip Hop? I love the way rap and rock are beginning to fuse together in the real world. Ten years ago the genres had to be separate by law. Popular music is accomplishing what diversity proponents everywhere are trying to do – get kids to go 'Brooklyn' in their heads. I wanted the name to embrace this concept. . . and sound kick-ass at the same time. Assuming the identity HHP is a way to encourage inclusiveness at the GSB and diversity, the WHOLE WORLD OVER.
But once, while doubting this particular art form for a moment, I toyed with the idea of morphing into the Glam Rock Polack. Not only did the words rhyme better, but it would have brought me closer to my Bang Tango/Enough Z'nuff roots from the '80's. But really, that name is just too white, and so couldn't produce the desired effect.
Q: Why do you conduct all interviews from the Hip Hop Throne?
A: Two birds. One stone. Think about it. . . . . . . O.K. Would you pleeaase stop that! Do you have to precede everything with 'Hip Hop?' I'm going to shove this Hip Hop interview up someone's Hip Hop ass. Must I use the Hip Hop Toilet Paper also? It's just a bathroom, man.
Q: How do you develop your story ideas?
A: I start by coming here and perusing FACMU for about 20 minutes. Doing that always provides me with a sort of … well… relaxation. Then, the ideas just come ... after I do. I've discovered something during these meditations. If you start at the end of the chapter and read backwards, the indirect method actually works. You know how Weil makes you solve accounting problems backwards? Was it how out figure to able be you'll and, used wasn't cash how at looking by start just.
I'm not sure that I've actually developed ANY story ideas. McGlothlin's look into the past has been too painfully revealing. I'm pretty sure that anything I've written about was covered the year before, and the year before, and the year before. Hey – here's a new story line for a humor article: "Students Realize There Are Too Many Guys!" Yes ... I believe that has potential. It's like the efficient markets. There are so many people with ideas that it's unlikely that any one person can consistently come up with any. However, if you read that last sentence you might have to admit that I just did exactly that (pauses pensively) …
Q: You seem to be sitting a bit askew. Are you still suffering complications from Char's roughing you up during the UofC GSB punctuation investigation?
A: There's some scar tissue in my shoulder. It hurts to lift my coffee cup to my lips in the morning. She's got a great smile. I didn't know she had it in her.
But, I can't complain. Remember when there were NO companies hiring a few months ago, but these guys got people to come to campus anyway? I'm not saying they roughed people up or anything, but if a little intimidation can be used to get us interviews, I fully support this.
Actually one of the funniest things was that the morning that article came out, Char and I talked in the quad. When she saw where I was going with the conversation, she blurted out, "You didn't mention me in that article, did you!!?" I thought to myself, "No Char, I didn't mention you. I'm going to live with that assault for the rest of my life, IN SILENCE."
Q: The ladies all want to know: Do you have a girlfriend?
A: I'll tell you a little secret. Nobody writes humor who is satisfied with his sex life. To steal from Freud, who was a famous economist (like, a hundred years ago), writing humor is an attempt to return to that oceanic state experienced in the womb. You see, students come to school, hit about two or three TNDC's, feel the massive sexual tension that exists, and then turn to humor writing to combat the cognitive dissonance that results from the experience. ALL ChiBus humor writers are students attempting to control their sexual anxieties. Right now, the optometrist from Ohio isn't returning my calls. If she were, I probably wouldn't be responding to these questions.
Q: I hear you recently started a band. What can you tell us about that?
A: Uh, yeah, Jaggass – you should know - you're in it. Is this some kind of free publicity stunt? Ladies! Ladies! Hit on Chris Boudreaux before someone else snatches him up. Because in 4 weeks, he's going to be a well-educated ROCK STAR!!!
I'll tell you something about the band - you know that song "Hungry Like The Wolf" where that girl in the background pants breathlessly into the microphone, as if she's climaxing? Well, I can tell you that our singer, Bryan Macktinger sounds like a seal being beaten to death with a spiked stick when he tries to do that part. Readers, some of you might soon have the pleasure of hearing BM imitate a girl's orgasm. If you want him to pull it off like a real man, please e-mail him and ask him to work on it a little. He can be reached at bmacktin@gsb.uchicago.edu. Thank you.
Q: Rumors abound regarding your alleged affinity for spam. Is it true?
A: Ah. O.K. I'm sitting on a toilet, and you're asking me about Spam. I see. You got that one from The Star, bro. The only true rumor about Spam is that my mom made my sister and me eat it once when we were kids. We sat at the table for hours before capitulating. If that's what you heard, it's true.
Q: What else would you like to tell the readers of Chicago Business?
A: Just because they sell carrot sticks in Gargoyle Café does not mean you're supposed to buy them and eat them in class. Coming back to class from break is like going to a pro basketball game. Yes, the 1:20 does feel like a long time, but I'm not sure that provides us with a license to come back in the second half and smack away at Doritos and suck on water bottle nipples like we're playing the Blue Man Group soundtrack. Why don't we just throw pretzels at the faculty if we don't like their material? Do the people that make the loud 'pffttt' sound with their water not realize that the tops come off? School's expensive. It'd be nice to hear what the teachers have to say.
 |
After negotiating the labyrinth of Hip Hop's administrative staff at Chicago Business, I scheduled an interview at his Lincoln Park home. Upon arrival at the Hip Hop Home, I was greeted by the Hip Hop Trixie, who led me to the Hip Hop Polack. High atop the brownstone wherein he makes his home, we found Hip Hop engaged in one of his favorite pastimes: Run DMC karaoke. This afternoon, he favored us with "It's Tricky", "Walk This Way", and a favorite of mine, "You Be Illin".
One might not expect such a young person to be so eccentric, but HHP certainly is. In fact, he conducts all interviews from his porcelain "Hip Hop Throne", so I was forced to sit in his bath tub during the interview.
Q: How did you come to be known as the Hip Hop Polack? Specifically, why Hip Hop? Why not the Polka Polack, Disco Polack, or the Riverdance Polack?
A: In college, a friend, desperately looking to differentiate himself, decided that he was the 'snake.' We didn't give him this nickname. He apparently thought it sounded cool and started telling people that. Sure enough, his name throughout college became the 'snake.' Six years later I was introduced to a girl from Cincinnati who asked, "Oh, you know Snake?" I had to roll my eyes and confirm that I knew "CHRIS." So I'm trying to say that I came to be known as HHP by putting that name at the top of my articles.
Why Hip Hop? I love the way rap and rock are beginning to fuse together in the real world. Ten years ago the genres had to be separate by law. Popular music is accomplishing what diversity proponents everywhere are trying to do – get kids to go 'Brooklyn' in their heads. I wanted the name to embrace this concept. . . and sound kick-ass at the same time. Assuming the identity HHP is a way to encourage inclusiveness at the GSB and diversity, the WHOLE WORLD OVER.
 |
But once, while doubting this particular art form for a moment, I toyed with the idea of morphing into the Glam Rock Polack. Not only did the words rhyme better, but it would have brought me closer to my Bang Tango/Enough Z'nuff roots from the '80's. But really, that name is just too white, and so couldn't produce the desired effect.
Q: Why do you conduct all interviews from the Hip Hop Throne?
A: Two birds. One stone. Think about it. . . . . . . O.K. Would you pleeaase stop that! Do you have to precede everything with 'Hip Hop?' I'm going to shove this Hip Hop interview up someone's Hip Hop ass. Must I use the Hip Hop Toilet Paper also? It's just a bathroom, man.
Q: How do you develop your story ideas?
A: I start by coming here and perusing FACMU for about 20 minutes. Doing that always provides me with a sort of … well… relaxation. Then, the ideas just come ... after I do. I've discovered something during these meditations. If you start at the end of the chapter and read backwards, the indirect method actually works. You know how Weil makes you solve accounting problems backwards? Was it how out figure to able be you'll and, used wasn't cash how at looking by start just.
 |
I'm not sure that I've actually developed ANY story ideas. McGlothlin's look into the past has been too painfully revealing. I'm pretty sure that anything I've written about was covered the year before, and the year before, and the year before. Hey – here's a new story line for a humor article: "Students Realize There Are Too Many Guys!" Yes ... I believe that has potential. It's like the efficient markets. There are so many people with ideas that it's unlikely that any one person can consistently come up with any. However, if you read that last sentence you might have to admit that I just did exactly that (pauses pensively) …
Q: You seem to be sitting a bit askew. Are you still suffering complications from Char's roughing you up during the UofC GSB punctuation investigation?
A: There's some scar tissue in my shoulder. It hurts to lift my coffee cup to my lips in the morning. She's got a great smile. I didn't know she had it in her.
But, I can't complain. Remember when there were NO companies hiring a few months ago, but these guys got people to come to campus anyway? I'm not saying they roughed people up or anything, but if a little intimidation can be used to get us interviews, I fully support this.
Actually one of the funniest things was that the morning that article came out, Char and I talked in the quad. When she saw where I was going with the conversation, she blurted out, "You didn't mention me in that article, did you!!?" I thought to myself, "No Char, I didn't mention you. I'm going to live with that assault for the rest of my life, IN SILENCE."
Q: The ladies all want to know: Do you have a girlfriend?
A: I'll tell you a little secret. Nobody writes humor who is satisfied with his sex life. To steal from Freud, who was a famous economist (like, a hundred years ago), writing humor is an attempt to return to that oceanic state experienced in the womb. You see, students come to school, hit about two or three TNDC's, feel the massive sexual tension that exists, and then turn to humor writing to combat the cognitive dissonance that results from the experience. ALL ChiBus humor writers are students attempting to control their sexual anxieties. Right now, the optometrist from Ohio isn't returning my calls. If she were, I probably wouldn't be responding to these questions.
Q: I hear you recently started a band. What can you tell us about that?
A: Uh, yeah, Jaggass – you should know - you're in it. Is this some kind of free publicity stunt? Ladies! Ladies! Hit on Chris Boudreaux before someone else snatches him up. Because in 4 weeks, he's going to be a well-educated ROCK STAR!!!
I'll tell you something about the band - you know that song "Hungry Like The Wolf" where that girl in the background pants breathlessly into the microphone, as if she's climaxing? Well, I can tell you that our singer, Bryan Macktinger sounds like a seal being beaten to death with a spiked stick when he tries to do that part. Readers, some of you might soon have the pleasure of hearing BM imitate a girl's orgasm. If you want him to pull it off like a real man, please e-mail him and ask him to work on it a little. He can be reached at bmacktin@gsb.uchicago.edu. Thank you.
Q: Rumors abound regarding your alleged affinity for spam. Is it true?
A: Ah. O.K. I'm sitting on a toilet, and you're asking me about Spam. I see. You got that one from The Star, bro. The only true rumor about Spam is that my mom made my sister and me eat it once when we were kids. We sat at the table for hours before capitulating. If that's what you heard, it's true.
Q: What else would you like to tell the readers of Chicago Business?
A: Just because they sell carrot sticks in Gargoyle Café does not mean you're supposed to buy them and eat them in class. Coming back to class from break is like going to a pro basketball game. Yes, the 1:20 does feel like a long time, but I'm not sure that provides us with a license to come back in the second half and smack away at Doritos and suck on water bottle nipples like we're playing the Blue Man Group soundtrack. Why don't we just throw pretzels at the faculty if we don't like their material? Do the people that make the loud 'pffttt' sound with their water not realize that the tops come off? School's expensive. It'd be nice to hear what the teachers have to say.